Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Twas the Night Before Christmas -- COD Ghosts Style

I've done this the past several years.... and I have a lot of fun with it. So, I give you this year's version of the classic poem, COD style.

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the land
The COD vets were smiling, it was going to be grand.
Controllers at full charge and headsets just so
The vets settled in, just itching to go.

While the Greenie he dreamed of racking up kills
By knife or by gun, he had all the skills.
This year was different, he was no longer a noob
It might just be time for a montage on YouTube.

The next morning he bolted, so anxious to see
That Hardened Edition right under the tree.
He tore into the paper and littered the room
Smiling so broadly over his impending doom.

New disc in hand he moved in a blur
His console spun up and started to whir.
A ghostly visage filled up the screen
Looking moody and tough and just a little mean.

He selected a soldier and gave him a name
It was kinda stupid and utterly lame.
The map finished loading, Honeybadger in hand
He took off in a sprint, without a single plan.

"Now noobtube, now pistol, now hand grenade
On Stalker, on Quickdraw, on pointstreak parade!
To the top of the building, to the bottom of the hill
I'll shoot them, I'll stab them, I'll kill them at will!"

Dashing to his left then darting to his right
He heaved a grenade with all of his might.
But rounding the corner, he dropped over dead
From a single bullet passing right through his head.

How did this happen, he thought with a fright.
I just started playing, this couldn't be right.
Spawning in once again, he decided to go slow
Still not having a clue on just where he should go.

Crouching as he moved, so sure where they'd be
He totally missed the blinking red I.E.D.
As he flew twenty feet onto the hood of a car
He couldn't believe he'd been blasted so far.

Now Armed with a sniper, he dropped completely prone
He'd show these noobs the skills he had honed.
So he lay there with patience to the left of the track
Then was quietly killed with a knife in the back.

"How the hell am I dying!" at the TV he screamed
This isn't how he pictured it or how he had dreamed.
Screw this, he thought with a twinkle in his eye
I'll switch to a tube, that's how they'll die

Into the game he spawned and pushed left on the pad
Yet nothing happened, could his controller be bad?
Scant seconds later, it would no longer matter
He'd been turned, yet again, into a red messy splatter.

He spawned and died no matter what he did
Even when he sat in a dark corner and hid.
The game finally over, he sat there all numb.
Going 0-20 was pathetic and dumb.

The vet's score was staggering, exceedingly high
Still laughing at the ways he'd seen that kid die.
He rose from his chair and shut off the light
Merry Christmas you noob and to all a good fight!

Thursday, November 7, 2013

COD Glossary when playing Ghosts - Part Uno

Like any vibrant (sometimes overly enthusiastic) community, COD has evolved it's own nomenclature... ya know... way of speaking. With each new title, COD loses some vets (who secretly play anyway) and also gains new players -- n00bs (I prefer greenie).

So... why not make a little glossary to help them out and give vets a chuckle?

n00b -- a term used to describe a new or inexperienced player.
Heard in the lobby: "You are such a n00b!"
What he thinks he said: I'm god-like compared to that guy.
What it really means: 1. The "n00b" keeps killing him. 2. The guy really is a n00b. (it's most often number 1).

The "n00b" is rarely a n00b. He's often killing the guy calling him a n00b and that guy is pissed. The n00b card gets thrown around when the "vet" can't believe he's getting killed by "that guy". Truth is, that "vet" is often the real n00b.

Greenie-- a term used to describe a new or inexperienced player.
Heard in the game: "Greenie keeps flipping the spawns!"
What he thinks he said: It's a shame the guy won't work with the team.
What it really means: Pretty much it's a shame the guy won't work with the team.

The greenie really is a new guy or at least plays like it. He rarely has a mic. Doesn't get how to work with a team to control a map and generally is a hindrance more than an asset. Sometimes... the guy will plug a mic in, be gracious about the win he was just handed, and move past the greenie stage.

Tryhard-- a player whose only focus is winning the match.
Heard in the game: "What a bunch of tryhards!"
What he thinks he said: These guys aren't playing the game right.
What it really means: They're not playing the game how he wants... and they're winning.

The. Dumbest. Term. Ever. The "tryhard" will use any weapon, any perk, any tactic that wins the game. In other words, he's smart. And the "vet" can't take it. The tryhard card gets thrown around when you just got your butt thumped like Miley Cyrus and want to act above it all.

Pubs-- slang for a public match.
Heard in the game: "You're just a pub player"
What he thinks he said: I'm MLG, yo.
What it really means: He wants to be in eSports and thinks this will help him feel it.

As this is how everybody outside of LAN tournaments (hi, MLG) plays the game, it's primary use to elevate the speaker and denigrate the rest. Just one reason a lot of the COD community holds eSports in ill repute.

More to come in part deux. Hope to see you in pubs... errr... in some games.


Thursday, October 10, 2013

Emblems Are Back In Ghosts

So... emblems will make a return to COD in Ghosts but it looks like it may be the clan emblem.

Mikey, likes.

And another...

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

1,296,000 seconds to COD Ghosts MP reveal... give or take a few seconds

So... it's been revealed the reveal will be #soon.

In other news... the Earth will rotate 15 times...
... in 360 hours...
... or 21,600 minutes...
... or 1,296,000 seconds.

Give or take.

I give you the info you really need. Yeah, baby.

Friday, April 5, 2013

Is It time For A Single Mode...? Yes, Sir, It Is.

With the 2013 COD Championships taking place this weekend and the looming launch of next-gen console gaming later this year, it's made me wonder... how can COD take it's gameplay to the next level?

  • It has to be fundamental.
  • It has to keep it's veterans.
  • It has to broaden the appeal.
  • It has to work for MLG.

Yep... it's time for a Core/Hardcore hybrid.

Before you think I've lost it and fallen off the deep end... hear me out and come at this with an open mind.

It's Time For A Single Game Mode

In order for COD to truly grow, there needs to be one game mode that takes elements of existing Core and Hardcore modes. Both groups are passionate about their preferred modes... and that's great. That passion, however, can be blinding and divisive. By taking what is good about both modes, losing the dead weight, and making a single mode for all, the community can then focus on what makes the game better than issues plaguing their smaller group.

But how to combine them? Simple.

  • No always on mini-map.
  • 60% health of current COD.
  • Health regen.
  • Friendly fire.
  • On screen reticle only for throwing weapons (excluding all 'nades).

It's Fundamental

First Person Shooters (FPS) are no longer a gaming novelty. They dominate sales and playtime. Yet the basic gameplay still treats players as though they are new and need a lot of help. I don't think that's the case anymore. So, take out some of the always on crutches because players frankly don't need them. And let's face it... they've begun to cause more problems than they solve.

It's time to expect more from players. We can take it.

It Keeps the Veterans

When you're making a single mode, it requires compromise... and no one group will get everything they want. But this solution would keep elements of Core and Hardcore that are central to both and make a new single mode for all to play. It keeps health regen but with a lower max-health. It cleans up the HUD but keeps a reticle for those that like thrown weapons.

But why friendly fire? Because it's a touch silly you can fire through a teammate and not harm them and...

... we're expecting more out of players now, right?

It Broadens Appeal

Having a single mode keeps the community from fragmenting into small groups. This brings the focus onto how the game is playing, what needs to be changed, and gives a real picture about the state of the game. Not to mention making it easier for new players as well because there is only one mode for them to learn.

In this case... less is more.

It Works For MLG

Major League Gaming... the pros, right? They shouldn't need (or want) all of the in game aids. The best thing this does... allows recreational players to watch advanced players play the same game, with the same equipment and weapons they play. It would not only enhance the appeal but highlight the real skill some of these players have. ESports would grow, COD sales would grow, and enthusiasm for all involved ratchet up a notch.

How is that not win-win?

Moving Forward

A single mode would bring the community together, of this I'm convinced. It might alienate some... I play HC... but would keep most and bring in more players.

I'm excited for next-gen...

... I hope COD doesn't stay in 2007.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Hardcore is a small community? My ass it is.

So... four months after Black Ops 2 launch and hardcore has lost a mode and gained a mode.

That's it.

Yet the "small community"--

  • Has 41% of the players Core has.
  • Has 56% more people playing KC.

Yeah... small my ass.

Where's the #MOARhardcore?

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

The Night Before Christmas -- Black Ops 2 Style

It's nearly Christmas (wow the year flew by) and it's time for another Call of Duty spin on the classic Clement Moore poem, The Night Before Christmas.

Enjoy and have a safe and merry Christmas.


‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the net
The COD vets were smiling from the kills they would get
Headsets were charged with a battery to spare
Knowing new greenies soon would be there

The kiddies were dreaming of streaks in their heads
When they should have been filled with thoughts of dread
Support streaks were easy, a total breeze
Of course they’ll still come with absolute ease

With nary a word, he bounds down the stair
Knowing for certain his copy was there
He tears it wide open, his eyes all a light
So ready to dominate his first firefight

His console whirred, the screen popped to life
Maybe he’ll run with just a gun and a knife
That’s all he keeps seeing from vids on YouTube
So, it must be that simple, for he is no noob

Who needs combat training, I played the first one
I’ll show those old vets this time how it’s done
He made his first pick ten but stopped it at nine
So certain his skill would make it all fine

“On semtex! On flashbang! On old hand grenade!”
With so many choices, he had it made
And he couldn’t believe it, like a gift from heaven
They let him start out with a freaking MP7

He whips out his pistol and flies off in a dash
Getting ready to throw out that very first flash
When over the building and out of the sky
A ‘nade hit his chest, he was the first die

No worries he thinks as he changes his class
I’ll just equip Ghost and camp off my ass
Sit in this corner and aim at this door
And wait for the bodies to litter the floor

“Enemy UAV is up!” The announcer would say
Yet flat on his belly he continued to lay
Right up until he was shot through the wall
So certain that he would slaughter them all

So sick of being killed by some guy who’s named Tom
He switches from Deathmatch and loads up some Dom
“I’ll show you what’s up, I’m gonna sprint straight to B
No way you vets will get the better of me!”

He rounds the brick wall with B just in sight
When suddenly time slows, he’s not moving quite right
The concussion wave strikes him and holds him in place               
As the vet calmly shoots him, two times in the face

The same thing keeps happening, over and over
Until finally he dies by a puppy named Rover
The game finally ends, his jaw drops to the floor
Only 300 points was his pitiful score

The vet he leans back and cracks open a beer
His morning complete and full of good cheer
5600 points for the game was not bad
And boy was that greenie sure as hell mad

The Christmas Noob simply doesn’t get how it’s done
For playing Call of Duty is meant to be fun
Laughing out loud and knowing he’s right
“Merry Christmas to all, and to vets a good night!”